OK this’ll blow your mind. Or not. I have no clue. And there you have the complete content of this yarn right there, you need read no further! I have NO IDEA what’s goin on in your head. But I could be taken on a rambling journey though, of what I THINK you might be thinkin’.

So here’s the sort of crapola what would once paralyse me after sharing my pen with paper and with an intention to connect with you…

Ok, I’d think you’ll think… “she cant share that!” Or they’ll see me pop into their world somehow and immediately move on or maybe read the first 2 lines and press delete or even unsubscribe…. .Or maybe they won’t even see it cause it’s scrolled down slowly into the cavern with all their other unread emails. Maybe they’ll feel confronted when they read it!. Maybe it just wont connect. Maybe they dont need to here it from me, a beauty thearpist for heaven sake!! I DON’T KNOW!  Do you hear how crazy that sounds. YEAH because our relentless internal blah blah MAKES US CRAZY – like for real!!! Maybe you’ll read it over and over because it’s exactly meant to be for YOU. What I do know is that all of what I think you are thinking is merely MY own illusion created by my mind. And besides, whatever you think about me is none of my frigging business. I’m leaving your thoughts to you. They’re entirely up to you my friend and I respect that will all of my being. All I know is I found another way  to live my life that’s goes way beyond my stories!!!!!

There is an intention here though and that is you STOP being controlled by your constant self sabotaging thoughts and live your life less concerned about what anyone might think about how you choose to spend your time on earth. As if they have time for you amongst their 60,000 thoughts a day. They have their own reel of self criticism rolling to worry about yours. Sorry but aren’t thinking about you much, if at all.

What if, you stopped for a minute to wonder…could the illusion of another persons thoughts about me, be stopping me from fully living? What if my concern for what someone thinks of me was holding me back from my life purpose. Now that’d be a tragedy because that means the world is missing out on what you’ve been given to share! TBH you’ll never know until the moment the light turns on. If you’ve ever spent time with us in a treatment, you’ll have heard us say…”let’s take a break, a REAL break, away from your thoughts ”.

Sure we need thought to do life, but that takes 15% of our daily thoughts!! The rest is subconsciously and often detrimentally controlling your life. The other 85% is easily filled with worrying about what people think of you, complaining, gossiping, criticising yourself and others, worrying about what might be, rehashing what was, self pity, holding grudges and on and on and on and on it goes. And also the cause of serious mental disease along with the anxiety and depression that plagues our world all over and without discrimination. We manage to find ways to suppress the noise. Often with our addictions to food, drugs, alcohol, buying shit we don’t need, anti depressants, sex and only more incessant internal dialogue. CRAYZEEEE, yeah? I bet you’ve never said to yourself..ok, today I’m going to tell myself how fat I am, ugly I am, hopeless I am, hopeless they are, unworthy I am. …Has that ever happened to you? Oh no, never, my thoughts are are always calm and pure I never have an ill thought for myself or anyone else. I spend all my spare time meditating, loving myself and others.. And to that I say a big fat. BULLSHIT! If you’re reading this then you’re probably human. And an negative over-active mind is a human condition.

Image if you let go (with love)  the stuff and peeps that you’ve let stunt your fullest capacity. Replaced it instead with love for yourself and others, acceptance of what is and forgiveness. Man, drop the crap that doesn’t serve you and you’re left with a ginormous space in your life that’s all encompassing! (ok that’s daggy, but you know what I mean if something comes to better describe, all encompassing I’ll change it, but for now, you get the drift right?)

I say letting go with love because most of my self- induced- illusionary -suffering has dissolved by letting go of it. It all began with me. Seeking and finding a better way to feel, to parent, to love and ultimately to LIVE FULLY was and still is hard going. But for the grace of God,  I continue healing through living my truth that I am more than my thoughts and life situations, past and present. Childhood trauma and confusion led me onto a young adult life of more trauma and confusion. My conditioning, experiences and holding my stories resulted in years of depression, anxiety, raging anger. All a mask of a chronic fear to be fully me. Today I embrace the glorious mess I am – mind control.

My ‘stories’ of suffering, like yours are many and varied. But I’d place a sure bet that much of it, similarly is self induced suffering. Mixed in the cauldron is a hot mess of held negative emotion. I was going to say, there is much tragedy, colour and variance to my stories. But they’re no different to yours. If we were to share our life movie in detail, sure, it’d have a different plot with different people in the cast. But with a commonality. They’d both include joy AND mind induced suffering. Stuff that holds us from living FULLY belongs in our  F*** it Bucket. If you don’t find swear words offensive, check out that Blog, it’s a beauty! Yep I drop the bomb, my siblings thought it was hilariously cute when I swore like a garbo at two and a half. So sadly, the habit has become part of my DNA. If that’s even genetically possible, that’s what’s happened to me. I still swear like a mofo.

OK Bonnie 7 ways! So back to the ALL EMCOMPASSING …work to drop your stuff! You’d have limitless space to fill with your wildest dreams. ANYTHING you choose! The stuff you’ve only ever lived out in your imagination…….There’s a  massive amount of crazy self sabotage that’s gone on for a massive amount of time….If you’re a sufferer of this human condition too but you choose to drop the stuff that stops you from REALLY living, essentially, there is a massive, I mean humungous, yeah ALL EMCOMPASSING space to fill with greatness, with joy, with liberation, with kindness, with self love and BIG love for others. “embrance the glorious mess you are” while you open your heart to a more peace filled way of living. Try silence it’s full of information.

Allow your life to be lead by your higher power and inner wisdom, you’ll be left with infinite spaceiouness right!!?? Fill it!!!  Fill it with your beautifully bright loooong list of ….Id love to do that , with this kind of freedom I could try that, wear that, go there, heal that, colour my hair purple, shave my hair off, ask them that, be open with, send all my love to, learn another language, climb a mountain, invent that, jump off that, try that, write that, be that, sing badly but loudly, be free enough to look like that, honour my light, truly honour ME, not pretend to honour ME. Fully and explosively honour yourself. We MUST honour our gifts, they’re meant to be shared whatever they are. There’re not meant to be kept under lock and key until we feel worthy enough. Those days can be over the moment we realise our short 90 years on earth (yep im doin 90 Ive got loads to learn yet and more suffering to be had) is only part of our journey. Our suffering is never in vain it holds the key to the bliss. Although touching that topic seems off the track, this story leads us to the same place. Towards the divine power within us all that has it sorted. It takes opening to it to start receiving it..Find it through meditation. Don’t wait! Why wait! Why live within the confines of your own mind. It restricts you. It holds you from living your life purpose.

What’s my life purpose? You dont know?  Make some space beyond your chatter to discover it. We can be paralysed by the bullshit we create in our head. Man its CRAZY. I gotta say now. No pity parties aloud. This is a freaking celebration of Love and Freedom from ‘what is’. I am so deeply grateful for my childhood and crazy life stuff. And I know I’m not alone in any of it. And the more we can all share, the healthier it’s gotta be. Don’t ya reckon. No-one is FREE from IT, well not until we become aware it’s got us hook line and sinker. Life purpose is there waiting patiently. By the grace of a higher power, I call IT God. Not as in a man on a throne figurehead kinda God. But a gracious always, alive kinda power that lives in me and waits and waits and waits and waits for us ALL.  To finally be ready.

And in the meantime, yep you guessed it, we suffer. And if you do take a minute to reflect on your suffering you’ll soon see a repeated thread of the same reactions and resistance to what comes. We are blessed by our suffering. Without it we wouldn’t make it different. Without it we wouldn’t search, without it we wouldn’t change a thing. Without it we wouldn’t even begin to discover the SHINING LIGHT that we ALL are. (ok sorry hippy jargon – gimme something else) Eternal spirit, ever loving being, liberated soul, inner light wanting to shine on earth, ok more hippy. There’s no other words…Its truth…Truth we are on this planet for a short time only. Lets cut to chase…you choose…. A life filled with regret that you stayed stuck in you debilitating thoughts causing piles of shit. Or the understanding that there is a way to discover within YOU a spirit that is DYING to live to its full potential.

Or maybe you’re happy in your fixed way of being and you’ll  live to your fullest potential when you go on that holiday, have that baby, find the perfect lover, score a gig in a movie, get a bigger house, buy a figgin house, get botox, have sex more often, become a vego, have a regular date night, get a date, have that book published, write one to start with, have perfect skin (couldn’t resist) or even perfect eye brows, become a billionaire, fly a jet, jump outta one, climb Everest, get back the love lost with your sister (that one I claim) Sorry nothing will bring you peace like the discovery inner power will bring you peace. Nothing outside of YOU will cut it. Not-a one external acquisition. You see you can’t BUY freedom. It’s free! Open to it. The rest will be presented with an Almighty… ‘FINALLY girlfriend’ from above or ‘finally boyfriend’ but that doesn’t have the same hip shakin zing. Only gotta be human to reclaim your light.

What happens then? Ok I thought you might ask. You get more challenges of course. Only different ones. When you get one you get another one. And only when you’ve accepted the first one that is. Yep you’re next lesson will be divinely presented, often disguised by suffering.  When acceptance to ‘what is’ comes, knowing it’s all for a higher purpose, right, suffering begins to ease.  And YES even the shittyEST bits are meant for us. Nothing is ever by mistake.

It’s without urgency or a freakin out kind of approach that we expand. It’s with love and softly allowing. It’s through presence that it comes. Surrendering to what is and enjoy the transformation.

Its with knowing and FINALLY believing that you are more than your body, your home, your expensive cars, your degree, your holidays, your stuff, your partners or your babies. It comes from realising you were born a pure shining light with a power much greater than ANY it. A light once shone before your pile of shit got in the way of it’s brillance. We were all born conscious beings, it’s only life and our conditioning, our stories and what we’ve created as the truth about who we are, what our own thoughts, mentors and parents had us believing who we are. Which is often exactly who we are NOT. Hang out with a baby or a kid who’s yet have their spirit tainted by illusionary thinking and conditioning. They’ll explain it better than I ever will by be just by being IT.

I know, like me you’d give your heart, literally to your kid. But leave them alone to find their own way. I recorded myself on the beach the other day. I sat feeling oh so sorry that the humans I do life with closely are doin it their way. Yep they need to shovel their own piles of shit in order to find their own truth. Leave it to them. While we’ll never EVER stop do everything to guide them towards a peace filled existence we will never stop their suffering. Suffering ultimately will be their saviour. Who are we to get in the way of that divine gift. I heard that ‘piles of shit’ analogy via an amazing yogi I know.  Don’t ya love it. So yeah let them go to build their own shit piles. They only chose us to do a humanly parent role for a bit, after that we’re done. Its up to them to keep their own shining light alight. Let go, they’ll work it out!

To them and the amazing man that I get to call my life partner and bestie. They love me and I love them. They’ve watched the dimmer on my fluro lamp turn up. They’ve also been around for the for the decades when the light is well and truly smashed OUT by baseball bats kinda times. The people in the lane next to us Love us like no one else. Love them back by like they deserve to be loved.

There are many ways to freedom from self destructive thinking and my way is only one way. My suffering will continue but a soft fall is never far. And it’s through suffering I’ve learnt loads. Meditation and Yoga (they get caps), many great spirit dudes, here and there that have guided me to (I wanna say salvation) because what else is it.!!! For me it’s friggin salvation from a life that was once was. Ultimately Mum’s divine wisdom has been paramount healing. With clarity and gratitude for a little wisdom on my truth today, I find myself saying ‘WTF were you thinking!!’ And that’s the very thing. Illusionary girlfriend and find I’m swiftly celebrating my truth once more. Realising the pain I ever feel is merely a result of my own mind made madness. Our pain, however it’s delivered is divinely sent as a reminder that life is a game, yeah to strive in but not attached to.

It’s the wisdom behind our suffering that sweetens life, eventually.

love bonnie

P. S “Namaste” another hippy dude word ……. What does it means …….today I get it, well here’s my interpretation……

“I honour the spirit in me and KNOW it’s is in you too” and everything other human on this complicated ride.

P.S.S  This one made me snot cry, PMSLing, CRINGE and get a burnin 10 outa 10 “HOT” all at the same time ( HOT was family code for embarrassment, see we must’ve had some fun, it wasn’t all shit) BAM finish with a cuss

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